[ if only life was simple ]

One less thing to worry about: I found out that heat in my house has been turned on while I was away. My room still feels somewhat cold at times, and I haven't seen my radiator heat up, but hopefully it will work when needed. The thermostat downstairs says its 67 in our house, which is not bad. I don't have a thermometer in my room, but maybe I should get one so I can tell if the heat is working or not.

In the mean time I have a little heater in case something goes wrong. I can't abide by being freezing when I've got to go to sleep.

But for the most part, my room is a reall fun place to be right now. I had a shopping spree at Target yesterday, and I got a lot of nice things like halloween lights and black star candleholders that hang on the wall. I'm actually kind of excited to put it all together. My room is becoming a cozy place, which makes me happy.

The one awkward thing in there is my pet mice. Strangely I just don't love them anymore the way that I used to. They fail to entertain me, maybe since the tame ones died and I don't hold them anymore. I should feel bad about it, but I just want them to die or go away somewhere so I don't have to care for them anymore. It's quite shocking, how I could feel so coldhearted to my own pets. But I still take good care of them. I still feel responsible towards them.

Hmmm....anything else? I feel like in general I've changed a lot lately, so much that constantly I don't know who I am or what to do with myself anymore. I've been trying to spend a lot of time thinking of what kind of person I want to be, and what I really want out of life, what kind of friendships and relationships I want to have...I don't like it. I used to be such a "go with the flow" kind of person. But now, I notice turning points more and feel forced to make choices. I think it will work out ok. It's just a scary thought to realize that my personality is not formed or set in stone, and that it can change so easily depending on my situation and what I decide. It's really scary that I'm not always sure what is the best type of person to be.

- ophelia

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